Search

Advice

Subcategories:
College/School Friends and Family Romance Work
I met a girl through a dating website some months ago when I was in another city for an extended period of time and we quickly became good friends. After a few dates we ended up sleeping together, but we were both very communicative that neither of us wanted a long distance relationship and that communication helped maintain the friendship. A few months later she came to visit me for a week and we continued as "good friends who happen to have benefits" while I played tour guide. Three months after that I was in her area again and we had planned to meet up, but upon arriving she stopped responding to me and I never heard from her before heading back home. With no explanation as to why she was ignoring me I reached out to her intermittently trying to see what changed. Yesterday, after two months of no responses to my attempts at communication, I received a massive (but vague) text message including an apology and her requesting me to call her so she could offer an explanation. I happily called her as I had been more worried about her than anything else and she very hesitantly told me that she had been afraid to talk to me because she was pregnant. Every time we were together we had used both condoms and birth control. Since the last time we had been together she had moved (involving heavy lifting), drank alcohol bimonthly (her doctor said it wasn't a concern), and eaten sushi. She also has a condition which regularly gives her irregular periods so missing hers wasn't out of the norm. She had no morning sickness, no bladder issues, and other then slight weight gain (of which she attributed to lack of gym time due to a new job) she had no symptoms whatsoever. She eventually started to sense something was going on (hence the hesitation to talk to me when I was in the area) and took a home pregnancy test which showed a positive result. She went to the OBGYN the next day who confirmed that she was in fact 20 weeks pregnant. I've been Googling non-stop and see two options: adoption (open, semi-open, or closed) or keeping the baby. We're both in our twenties, just out of college, and focusing on our careers. Neither of us are able to support a child financially, mentally, or emotionally. I already told her that I wouldn't be able to be present as a father and pointed out that she wouldn't be able to be present as a mother either - therefore recommending adoption. She continues to tell me that (for all intensive purposes) that "it's not my problem" and is kind of passively preventing me from being involved. I think we're both still in shock, but have no idea as to where to go next. Neither of us have been able to broach the conversation with our parents yet and are tying to figure out how to have those conversations. Part of me keeps doing the math of when we slept together (3/20), when she stopped talking to me realizing something might be going on (6/5), how long it took to get the courage to take a home pregnancy test (8/30) (combined with the fact that she was able to get an OBGYN appointment the next day) ... despite her insistence that she hasn't been with anyone else it is still sitting at the back of my mind as a possibility, but a distant one at that. I'm freaking out and have no idea of what to do. Help!

Featured Question

Why is my gravy so lumpy?

The flour can clump up. Best to strain your gravy and use a whisk while adding flour.

Read more answers...

Featured Recipe

Stuffing-Sal's Apple and Sausage

Stuffing-Sal's Apple and Sausage

More Details...

Welcome Center | Home Town | Recipes | Kitchen How Tos | Tips & Repairs | Manners | Advice | Pets | Blog | Health | Safety | Auto | Gardening | A Place of Your Own | Travel | Personal Finance | About Us | Resources | Policies | Contact | Sitemap
© Copyright 2017 What Would Mom Say
Web Design and Animation by Off the Page Creations, Tampa; Illustration by Dave Mullin