Archive for the ‘Relationship’ Category

Dear all… we paused

Saturday, October 11th, 2014

Life has that funny way of, getting in the way.  I guess that’s what happened to WWMS over the past two years. Cindy is testing the waters with a new career, budding romance and new grandmother status times two. Joanna, our starring new entrepreneur,  is cultivating the entire West Coast for the perfect four leaf clover, brewing delicious aromatic concoctions for health and happiness while jetting coast to coast in search of the perfect dance party. Michele was busy in the kitchen last winter, learning the ins and outs of vegetarian cooking,  becoming the East Coast expert on special needs education while reading everything in the Northshire Bookstore and traveling back and forth on the Mass Pike.  As for me with a couple wonderful trips, house selling, music festivals, graduating children, new careers and waiting for grandchild number 2.

It’s been a crazy couple of years of dramatic events between disease, terrorists, crazy weather and a host of many other current events. Now you might wonder why I decided to blog today after our long hiatis?  It’s because of the events in the first paragraph…life.  You know, the good stuff. Like weddings,love, food,  babies, good jobs and a good bottle of wine.  So all you Moms, sons and daughters of moms, husbands and boyfriends of moms, moms-to-be and friends of moms, we are un-pausing (is that a word?)  Back to advice, love, family, gardening, books, travel and cooking. All and more things that we love best coming from our little special village of friends.

xoxo THE Moms

A Wedding,Why Get Married?

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

Recently my son posed the question,  Why get married?  It’s a legitimate question, I asked it of myself before I met and married Ron.  After all, love doesn’t need paperwork to be real and you can share your life with someone without a blessing from the state. So, why get married?Well, Brian,

This summer I was lucky enough to be a part of two wonderful weddings.  My nephew married our Allie and gave us a beautiful new family, and Liza Rae married Jared in the wedding we have all been waiting for.

Liza told us that Jared was the man she would marry nearly 10 years ago.  She was 16.  I’ve watched them grow up together, beside my own children.  I’ve seen them work together to build a life and a home that they’ve shared with all their friends and family.  They belong together, but why get married?

So your mom can do this?

Because, as I told my son, when you find the kind of love that lasts,when you are ready to commit the rest of your life to someone you love, it should be celebrated. When you find this kind of love, spread it around.  All the people you love, all the people who’s lives you touch want you to know they are happy for you, and want to celebrate with you.

In a world that can sometimes be harsh, a true love wedding is a joyful respite, a reminder of how wonderful life can be.  
Have a party

dance,
laugh,

and sing,
Because “love is a grand and a beautiful thing”. (South Pacific)

Thank You, Rob and Allie,  Thank You Liza and Jared, for sharing your love and letting me be a part of your celebrations.

See more of Liza and Jared’s wonderful  wedding at love me do photography.  They do beautiful work.

SEX ON THE FIRST DATE?

Sunday, July 29th, 2012

Sarah asks, Should I have sex with someone on the first date?

Cindy says: The first date is a funny thing because sometimes you may have a history together and sometimes at different times of life or in different connections you may be looking for different outcomes. Passion is hard to read.

Lean towards knowing it is right if you can.

Sally says:

No! You can wait until at least the second date. Gary says that if you have sex on the first date, the date might think you’re a slut.

Michele says:

It’s risky, my brother once commented that I married a one-night- stand.  True, I picked my husband up in a bar and have spent the rest of my life with him.  That having been said, I was lucky. There are some real crazies out there. “Looking for Mr. Goodbar” ring any bells? Probably not, before your time, but it isn’t pretty. Don’t have sex with someone you don’t know well, if you met in a bar or on-line, wait, spend some time together.  If, on the other hand, this is someone you have known for a while, an old friend, someone you go to school with, then maybe this first date is what you’ve both been waiting for, an affirmation that you feel the same way about each other.

Joanna says;

This is a tricky thing. Perhaps, if you know enough about the person and you already have a trust going on and knowledge of each other such as dating a friend or classmate or co-worker, some one you are already acquainted with, it can be a bit dicey when you do not have any previous knowledge. You might want to wait. People who you think are very nice can later show some craziness.

Visit our Advice section  or ask your own question.  We would love to hear from you.

Simple Summer Birthday Fiesta

Sunday, July 29th, 2012

Everyone loves a celebration especially birthdays.  There’s always a little pressure on how to celebrate to make it perfect for your friend.  Keep it simple (not necessarily the thing that happens in our house) but Sadie and Shelby seem to do it right.  Kelsey was having her 21st and the girls had a picnic in their backyard.  They decorated with paper lanterns, spread out blankets and played music. Everyone brought a snack of cupcakes and fruit and they served champagne and a fruit punch. Simple and easy preparation but the most important ingredient…friends!

What is Love

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

I love Ben and Jerry’s too. Would that love was as simple as that. A good feeling; a favorite flavor, the sound of a voice,  a song.

For those lucky enough to find love and fall deeply, it can be as simple as that at first. The fit is comfortable… You have things in common that you love to do. You can talk and philosophize and share personal secrets and respect and understand your differences. You don’t need to like the same things you just need to like each other. Respect, again,  is foremost, and communicating is a skill that will help get you through lots of shit. The tingle at a touch, the race of your heart when you are away from each other too long… Ahhh…..

MAGIC

Yet it is real. You can’t touch it and pick it up and put it in your basket with the roses and gladiolas from the garden, but you hold it in your arms when you hold each other.

You that have this are lucky. To not be alone in this crazy world is a gift. What a great place to be and share with a lover and a friend… Yet alone, sometimes things, little things can seem insurmountable obstacles in your life. Sharing the burden is an experience right there. Sharing the plans, hopes, ambitions. Having someone to build you up when you have just taken a fall. It has been so long that I can’t remember that I ever felt that way. I thought I did once but when it is gone so is the essence gone with it… But I did see it and felt it in moments this week end. In several couples older and young at a friends wedding. You know something that not all of us will know. Treasure it. Share it with your friends but also keep it sacred to yourselves.

Viva la amor. Es una cosa tan grande en la vida, en el mundo!

Hey Mom… I’m getting another Tattoo

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

Well, you can get a tattoo whenever you want to when you are over 18. Do you have to ask your mom? No… Do you need to tell your mom? Well… YES! It may not be comfortable if you know that she would rather not see your whole body inked, but if you are showing it off on Facebook, then really send her the text or photo on your iPhone before you put it up. It isn’t the most comfortable phone call if you know she really isn’t going to shout for joy and be happy for you, so I really wouldn’t mind just the text or the photo, but do let me in on it before a friend tells me ” hey I saw your son’s new tattoos on Facebook”.

You may love it but she doesn’t have to. She may mourn that she will never see her son’s body as the physique of her memory ever again. I was just flipping channels on TV last night and there were these young men in a pool on the Batchelorette. They all were clean chested, no tatoos, maybe arms but I didn’t see any. I thought for a moment of the human body and how elegant it is and realized I was not going to see my son’s sleek muscles unadorned with ink ever again.

The cap sleeve and then the full sleeve… He couldn’t hide it from the critical eye of his grandparents anymore. Wearing long sleeved shirts in the summer for family gatherings finally got old and he came out. They still don’t like to see it. I got used to it.

The art of Tatoo is really interesting. What people choose to adorn their body for life is a strong decision and I know they don’t take it lightly. I have admired the art. Mostly the floral art.  Lotus’ are a subject from ancient asian art and the meaning in history and is of awakening and rising from the muddle, and mud from the depths  of the pond, a metaphor for the muck and mire of the mind, of the earthly life,  into glorious beauty and power. Yes I would get a lotus.  There are so many choices and an artist will design her own and take it to the tattoo artist and collaborate. Where to place it: lower back and feet are the first places for women, but the sleeve is very good for a larger tattoo and one that can morph and develop as you come up with further designs. Tattoos then be elaborated on. Staring with a design… Does one plan to add to it later? Some such as the florals can always be organically tied into more vining twining flowers.

I really do see the beauty in the art, even the rough viseral grisly ones my son has with the skin tearing open to the muscle and bones structure below. The art is incredible and creative. My favorite that he has is the Scorpion on his back. It has mechanical joints as though it were robotic, and the fact that he was a fan of Transformers as a boy and the scary Alien movies and loved that art comes through on his body art.Human muscle transformed to machine. It is strong good art… but couldn’t you just hang the poster?

I can admire the art and placement on other people. I feel that with all the friends and strangers I see with ink that I don’t judge them, yet I know that it does happen. The critic in others, the judgement, the rudeness, the condescension that some treat those different to us. IT is hard not to look at someones tattoos piercings when in conversation. Just what is that in their ear, you want to see but try not to stare. What stone is in her nose ring? On his eyebrow, on their tongues?

But back to INK.

Somehow I don’t wish for his beautiful skin to be covered, totally covered in ink. It is his to do with what he wants. My gift to him. It is not mine to be in charge of. It is not for me to boss him and make him feel shame or regret, yet I wish some where in there was a little bit of” I won’t get my whole body tattooed because it might make others uncomfortable around me , it might bring the wrong attention to me and cause conflicts that wouldn’t otherwise have to happen. I don’t want him scrutinized for his body art. I am sure his grandfather, my dad, will be giving the young men he sees all tattooed up dirty looks. Unless it is their favorite waiter at their favorite restaurant… Then he will make some wise crack about when was he a sailor and in what port did he get his tattoos, was he drunk when he got it… That was the past story, Sailors, in port in foreign lands would go out on a drunk and wake up tattoed… And even, sometimes married. There was the girlfriend, the boat, the anchor and your mother were the tattoos.

The temporary tattoo could be fun for the summer at the beach… the lovely henna browns and reds.

Tattoos are to be treated with caution and I know that he uses his topical antiseptic to prevent infection. The skin ointments that promote healing. He left a tube in my car and I am sure that is because he had a carry on bag and it was too large to walk through the security with and he didn’t want to chance it and I know he has some to use when he gets home.

So I love you. I may not love your choice for to wear body art but I guess I am glad that you feel comfortable with yourself to express yourself.

We are all unique.

Love is unconditional.

love you

Don’t Act Like This On Mother’s Day

Friday, May 11th, 2012


This is a funny video my son Jack made as a parody of the TV show Super Sweet 16. The reality show gives you a glimpse on the spoiled brats of America and the way their parents try in vain to please them with over the top parties. The kids are generally impossible to please no matter what they are given, and we see brathood brought to an extreme and disturbing level. My son Jack finds the humor in this dynamic and made this playful video with me for a good laugh. Do not act like this!!!

It’s Mother’s Day and time to be mindful about the mothers of the world and the love we share. The lesson is gratitude and respect should be practiced everyday! Thanks Jack for the joke and the fun and being the opposite of the character in the video. Love is all you need.

Young Entreprenuers in Buenos Aires: Adentro Dinner Club

Saturday, April 21st, 2012

Back to Buenos Aires,

Mirasol, and a young man with a history and a passion for food. He had grown up in restaurants, studied cooking, and has started a “home” restaurant  with his American girlfriend, Kelly. Open one night a week by reservation… Adentro Dinner Club.

Gabriel told me that Kelly grew up in Boulder, Colorado. That’s a connection as I grew up skiing in Colorado and have many of my young friends living in Boulder, her home town right now… Actually, two of Sally’s daughters and one of Cindy’s sons.

Then he told me that she had gone to UCSC for 4 years… Tooo coincidental. I live here in Santa Cruz because I also attended UCSC . She more recently of course…. but right down the road from me. We may have passed in the New Leaf Market, unless she was one who went to Staff Of Life… Santa Cruz has a wealth of natural foods stores.

They are trying to turn there home into a unique restaurant space that can be used for parties and gatherings. Probably a great idea for people wanting to entertain friends, but with the pressures of time and the limited space in a city apartment it just isn’t an easy thing for a young working couple to pull off. They advertise that it is a comfortable place for out-of-towners to come and have an easy environment and a home cooked meal.

Que una idea !

Es muy bien, Si?!

She is in graphic design and he has his passion for food along with an education in it and a life of restaurant experiences from his father’s own work in Buenos Aires restaurants.  It sounds like a unique way to start a business and an interesting way to offer an intimate atmosphere for a group up to 10 I think. I hope to keep in touch and if you are going to Buenos Aires and don’t know where to take your travel group for a meal, call them.

“It’s like a dinner party.”

“Even when you are prepared with the best guidebooks, traveling to another country means trying to find an amazing local spot to eat. It also means sometimes striking out with terrible tasting, overpriced food. It’s impossible to get it right all the time- even in your home town. And unless you are staying in a place with a kitchen, you will be eating out A LOT.”

“We are inviting you to our house for dinner!

A former orthodontist’s office, Adentro Dinner Club is now our home, which we open to curious diners every Wednesday night to enjoy a typical Argentine asado and embraces the experience of eating and sharing a table in an intimate setting.

When you arrive, feel free to have a drink, mill around in the kitchen, patio, terrace or watch the soccer games on TV. The setting is informal and when we all sit down to eat, Gabriel and I eat at the same table with all of you!”

Check them out. He was warm and friendly and their home restaurant sounds so inviting.

And if you are traveling to a city and culture unknown to you, how best to get aquainted with it than to sit down to a dinner in a local home.

Is it love or lust?

Thursday, March 15th, 2012

Love- an intense feeling of deep affection, romantic or sexual attachment to someone, great interest and pleasure in something. Lust-very strong sexual desire.

Humm.. seems easy enough to understand? Or at least until you’ve spent the night in someone’s bed.  Growing up and moving away from home comes with all kinds of new experiences.  Nothing is as potent as freedom to have sex with whoever and whenever.  No more sneaking a guy into your room while your parents are asleep or have a roll, literally in the hay with this weeks girlfriend.  Having your own place or living in coed dorms has made sex so much easier.  Or at least the act, not the emotion that goes with falling in love or lust with someone.

Ideally,when you first start having sex it should be with someone you love and feel safe with but that doesn’t always happen. Too many times, a few cocktails or a night of dirty dancing and a charming guy or girl could woo you home. The next morning you might wake with an elated emotion of loving this person or a complete dread or “what the hell did I do?”  Lust and infatuation can be so intense that you tell yourself that it must be love.

You can’t wait to see this person again and getting through the day takes forever when you’re waiting to have sex with them.  Time passes and you realize that although the sex is great, the conversation isn’t.  Maybe she’s fabulous in bed but she doesn’t like to go snowboarding or hiking.  The only way you imagine your new boy toy is naked but not having dinner in a nice restaurant.  All of a sudden small things really begin to annoy you, chewing with her mouth full or he’s constantly interrupting conversations with friends to tell you about his new skateboard trick. Well maybe it’s been lust?

But there also is that guy you think about all the time in every situation even having dinner with your parents.  Or the girl you want to take on vacation to the most sacred surfing spot in the world even though she doesn’t surf.  Suddenly the things that you would always find annoying in past relationships you’re finding funny or cute in this person. Spending time with them is the most important event of the day.  It doesn’t matter if she has her period and doesn’t feel well enough for sex or you have to take care of him and his broken leg.  Well, maybe it’s turning into love?

Love and lust is what makes our hearts and souls tick and life interesting. We’re human and suppose to couple up.  The process is wonderful and painful at the same. Be safe and be smart and remember what Buddha said,” You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Sunday, February 19th, 2012

“All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.”  Oscar Wilde

Recently, I called an old friend who was close to my mom.  The first words out of her mouth were, “My God! You sound like your mother.”  Twenty minutes into the conversation she said, “You don’t just sound like Midge, you are your mother.”

Is it inevitable? Will we all one day stare into the mirror and see our mother’s face, hear her words coming from our lips and assume her habits, bad and good?  A recent survey by the people at Hallmark reports that at least 2/3 of women start becoming their mothers at age 32.

Lucky for me, I liked my mom. We fought a lot, she was often stubborn and I was often impatient with her, but I knew her love was un-conditional.   When people call me my mother’s daughter, it pleases me and makes me proud.

I wish she’d kept the worry and anxiety attacks out of the gene pool, and I would like to have an extra dose of her kindness. Her silliness, clapping when someone entered the room or marching around the house with a giant wooden spoon singing ’76 Trombones’,  I own that now, I try to keep it under wraps, but I do own it.  I also believe that my mom engaged every person that ever came with-in a 5 foot radius in conversation.  It embarrassed the hell out of me as a teenager. Now, impromptu conversations with strangers delight me, even while I know my kids are rolling their eyes.

My point is, that there is a good possibility that you will take on the characteristics, whether through nature or nurture, of the person who has had the greatest impact on your life, most often, your mother. It’s important to let go of the fantasy/nightmare  mom and embrace the real woman, with all her faults and all her gifts.  Get to know her and make your peace with her.

Some of you will absolutely hate the idea of becoming anything like your mother.  For you, I pulled this quote from an article on Oprah.com,  ‘Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Am I My Mother After All?’ By Dr. Vivian Diller;

“Remember, human nature leads us to repeat history unless we take active measures to change the patterns we learn and absorb. If you know from where you came, changing the course of your future is possible. Insight requires awareness. Change requires effort. Who knows? If you can liberate yourself from your past, you may even find more compassion for your less-liberated Mom and take her off that psychological hot seat once and for all. ”

In other words, you can choose to change,  but I think I’ll just grab my wooden spoon and  keep marching.