Archive for the ‘Relationship’ Category
Friday, January 6th, 2012
Unwanted pregnancy is a serious issue that effects all of us in some way. It has got the country talking again as we listen to the presidential candidates state their views on this emotional subject. The politics of it is what got Michele and I talking about it today. Michele and I agree that we are supportive of all women whatever their choice might be….and there are only three…. become a parent, have an abortion, or give a baby up for adoption.
I think it should be noted that unwanted pregnancy and abortion is not a new thing. Wikipedia states that there is evidence of abortion as early as 1500bc. It is a fact of life that women have dealt with throughout time. It doesn’t make things much easier though if it is you, or someone you care for is faced with this unfortunate situation. I say be grateful we live in a time and place where women have choices that are safe and there is much support for. Planned Parenthood is probably your first choice in seeking an abortion or advice. There is the morning after pill which should grab your attention if you think you may be pregnant, as it needs to be taken very early to be effective. There is tons of information and opinions out there. Prochoice Action Network is very informative.
For those brave women who choose to give up a baby for adoption, you have much to think about. There are places to start like the Adoption Network that might help. Gather all the information you can to feel secure about this choice and get all the prenatal care available to you.
Choosing to become a parent at a time of unwanted pregnancy is a decision that will change your life forever. There are many women who feel this is their only decision and are steadfast in their choice to persevere through the challenges and joys of being a mother. There are many different circumstances for every individual making the choice to continue a pregnancy and having it work out to be the best choice for the mother and child.
If you or someone you know is facing this decision of what to do about an unwanted pregnancy, support them in helping them cope with whatever they decide to do. It is important to listen to your candidates and vote for those you feel support your beliefs.
Here at whatwouldmomsay we welcome any questions or thoughts you might have on this emotional subject. Feel free to ask a question or leave a comment.
Friday, October 28th, 2011
QUESTION FROM MY FRIEND From the NETHERLANDS
“How you control your feelings about girls? Because I do not have a girl friend and you have your feelings? And do you think that some day I will meet the girl of my dreams. It is difficult for me too make contact with people of my own age, because they have other interests and I don’t go out in the night.”
My friend from the Netherlands is a young man who has dreams and goals like everyone his age. He has some unique challenges and that sometimes makes it difficult for him to meet girls to date and gather a group of friends to hang out with.
His passion is for film and animation, specializing in that of the Walt Disney Company… Something that would be a wonderful subject to pursue in college and yet he knows more about this subject than most film students from his private purpose and drive to study the history of animation and by learning from the writings and interviews of the animators themselves. This young man also speaks several languages. He taught himself English when he was growing up watching Disney videos.
My friend has a form of autism and that challenges him in some situations in life. His interests in animated film are shared with many of his older friends but he doesn’t often run into people his age who he can share this passion with. His knowledge in film abounds and his interest and his critiques are keen and intelligent.
I wonder if you could go to the university and “audit” a class in animation history. You may not be able to qualify for admission with your learning difficulties, but sharing your passion with others in a discussion about the art of animation would be fulfilling. When I met my Netherlandic friend I was amazed at how much he knew of the artists and I felt he could teach a class on the subject. It would be a place where people would appreciate your strengths and considerable talent to discuss in the academic and the art world.
Also, Bram, if you love the art of animation, you may want to take an art history course… Auditing of course. I just saw the story of Van Gogh and learned that he was developmentally challenged. He may have suffered from siezures and that may have given him the fragmented vision that allowed him to see world in a unique way and so he applied the pigment to his canvas with such a style as to allow us the viewers to see color and shape in a wonderful way with these chunks and strips of color and light. How special is that!!! He lived a challenged life and gave us the gift of his art and he never knew he would be seen as a genius and master when he was gone. He would be surprised by his importance in our world today.
When we are different we can feel separated and alone. The strength to follow are dreams and follow the passion is the road we are on. It may not mean that we are promised our dreams. The journey has value. We can not count on the reward. The passion gives purpose to our lives. That is the reward and the goal: To live our passion…
Now about the girls… I can’t get a date myself, so I can’t offer you any good advice.
Controlling feelings is difficult for the autistic isn’t it? You can not help but be honest. That is a gift also, as many of us are tired of playing games and dishonesty. When we are honest and lay our feelings out to someone we do not know how they will handle that. They may not have an easy time with the truth. You have to be willing to accept the disappointment… what is the saying:” nothing ventured nothing gained.” Easier said than done I think.
Be yourself and enjoy your dreams. Don’t let your disappointment stop your dreaming. Already many of your dreams have been answered and you are still young… Patience.
Sending love to my Dutch Friend…
Friday, October 14th, 2011
Wow, the world has certainly changed over the past 30 plus years. When I was a teen (way more than 30 years ago), you used to get asked out on a date, decide whether you were boyfriend/girlfriend and break up all in person. There was no call waiting, caller id, cell phones, personal computers, ichat, text or facebook. My father used to keep an egg timer next to the phone and we got 5 minutes per call. If it was important, better get right to the point. Today we have all of the above and I was wondering if there was different etiquette to having a relationship in our digital world? The Moms really need your help on this one. Some of us are dating again and this is a whole new territory so we have a few questions for you that I’ll post over the next few weeks. Let us know your comments at whatwouldmomsay.com
Is it ok to ask a person out on a date via text message or facebook?
Saturday, October 8th, 2011
“Apple’s 1997 Think Different campaign was launched not long after Steve Jobs returned to the company he founded. It began with these words:”
“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes … the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. … You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things. … They push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
Thank you…. For allowing us to believe that some of our own craziness and unique ideas and visions may have purpose and value. Not many have the technical genius that you have, but genius can be of so many different kinds.
All of us who have chosen the mac for our personal computer are forever indebted. For me, I may not ever have gotten computer literate if it weren’t for your beautiful color and playful icons beginning with that of the company logo and continuing to represent the ART of the computer in the present in the ICONs we use on our iPhone apps.
Artistic design and technology… That is one of your important gifts to us. Just as I love to use the sleekly designed can opener that doesn’t leave the sharp edge of the can to cut a finger, so has APPLE made products that make life easier and more beautiful.
I am getting more that half a decade of stored photographs in my iPhoto library. Forget the paper ones torn and water stained in a box…. And I can arrange them as events, in BIG squares or small thumbnails, depending on how my middle age eyesight is today…
THANK YOU STEVE JOBS
Statement from President Barack Obama:
“Michelle and I are saddened to learn of the passing of Steve Jobs. Steve was among the greatest of American innovators – brave enough to think differently, bold enough to believe he could change the world, and talented enough to do it.
By building one of the planet’s most successful companies from his garage, he exemplified the spirit of American ingenuity. By making computers personal and putting the internet in our pockets, he made the information revolution not only accessible, but intuitive and fun. And by turning his talents to storytelling, he has brought joy to millions of children and grownups alike. Steve was fond of saying that he lived every day like it was his last. Because he did, he transformed our lives, redefined entire industries, and achieved one of the rarest feats in human history: he changed the way each of us sees the world.
The world has lost a visionary. And there may be no greater tribute to Steve’s success than the fact that much of the world learned of his passing on a device he invented. Michelle and I send our thoughts and prayers to Steve’s wife Laurene, his family, and all those who loved him.”
Statement from Wynton Marsalis, jazz musician
“Steve Jobs was a man of absolute integrity. He pursued the deepest truths in his imagination with unabashed passion, uncompromising singularity of purpose, and unyielding urgency. Apple’s tenacious actualization of his transformative and lofty vision of integration brings us closer together. He was a force of nature, a volcano, and a man who loves and misses his family. The world is much poorer today. And always.”
Statement from John Lasseter, chief creative officer at Pixar and Walt Disney Animation Studios:
“Steve Jobs was an extraordinary visionary, our very dear friend and the guiding light of the Pixar family. He saw the potential of what Pixar could be before the rest of us, and beyond what anyone ever imagined. Steve took a chance on us and believed in our crazy dream of making computer animated films; the one thing he always said was to simply ‘make it great.’ He is why Pixar turned out the way we did and his strength, integrity and love of life has made us all better people. He will forever be a part of Pixar?s DNA. Our hearts go out to his wife Laurene and their children during this incredibly difficult time.”
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”
Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Speech 2005
“STAY HUNGRY, STAY FOOLISH”
Steve Jobs Quoted from the Whole Earth Catalog
Sunday, September 4th, 2011
One of the things we like best is answering your questions. This one took some time and made us think about how we would react to our children in the same situation.
I’m 19 years old and became pregnant from my 21 year old boyfriend. Abortion is not an option for me, and I want to keep my baby. My boyfriend is always in and out of town, due to his line of work, which would leave me to take care of the baby mostly alone. We are talking about marriage, since we have been together for a year and some. My mother is not in the picture, and neither is his. To be honest, talking to you 4 mothers is the best I have and I really just need an honest opinion. How would you feel/react if your 21 year old son got his 19 year old girlfriend pregnant, and wanted to marry her?
So, What would Mom Say?
We would love to hear from you too!
Tuesday, July 26th, 2011
This weekend, we headed to Jerzey for my husband’s family reunion, the first (and possibly last) Vallario Yankee Excursion. We gathered Saturday at Aunt Grace’s to eat (always, my husband is Italian) and catch-up. On Sunday, we re-assembled, we are all Yankee fans in spirit although some of us aren’t die-hard fans of any team sport.
Uncle Gary was appalled at the lack of Yankee hats and tee-shirts. I thought we’d done pretty well. I’d vetoed Jay’s Celtics uniform before leaving Vermont, and we’d managed to stick to blues, grays and whites. Apparently, not good enough, Gary handed out hats and tried, unsuccessfully, to put Kylie into a shirt that fell somewhere below her knees.
All was forgiven or at least forgotten, when Aunt Cynthia arrived in a pink Audrey Hepburn tee and matching hat, Sacrilege!
We then shoved 13 grown people and a baby seat into a 12 person van. Yes, it was 98 degrees and yes, the newest member of the family, 9 month old Jackson was with us. What were we thinking? Yankee Stadium at noon, an hour before the game, temperatures rose into the triple digits.The sprinkle of rain did nothing to cool the day, just left us still hot and wet. Jackson headed up into the shade with Grandpa Ron and had an ice cream bath, by the 7th inning, Yankees winning 6-2, it was time to head home. We left the stadium right before the game got going, final score, 7-5. But, before we left, we picked up Kylie’s friend, because the van wasn’t full enough already.
Last I heard, Robbie and Ally were headed, with the baby, to the Marriott at Newark Airport. Their flight back to SC was cancelled.
It’s family, I don’t care how big or small or crazy or alternative it is, when the people you love get together, it’s all good. I know that every one of us will smile remembering how much fun we had in spite of the heat and crowding, perhaps, in part, because of it. It might take Robbie and Ally a little longer, but they will smile. Make a plan to spend some time with your family this year.
Thursday, June 16th, 2011
Sunday, May 8th, 2011
Peggy loved to dress up in hostess gowns for the parties she threw. She loved to sing and dance and sneak cigarettes. She married a shy handsome man, Don and her best friend was her sister, Jean. Peggy loved fun and celebration. She would whisk you off to see the Beatles land at Pittsburgh airport or dance the twist around the living room to Chubby Checkers with a towel. Peggy loved to ride in her Buick convertible and had head scarfs in the glove compartment for all the girls so we wouldn’t mess up our hair. She taught us to drive in a beat up Valiant, driving through the fields at our Pennsylvania home. Peggy never wanted to go gray so she dyed her hair every month. She decided to chop it off in the sixties to match her modern style of dress. Peggy never got mad. She would spoil us with shopping dates to town while teaching us charity to other children. Peggy was the jack of all trades and the master of none. She was beloved by all.
When my mother’s life was cut short at the ripe old age of 37, our grandmother, Sadie A. helped put our lives back together. Sadie A. continued Peggy’s path to educate Don and I in the love of life and family. Even though I only had my mother in my life for 11 short years, her memory is weaved into my soul. I can look back and see so many of her traits in myself, my girls,my brother and my nephews.
If there is anything I can say to my own children that Peggy taught me was that, life is too short. Ride in convertibles, dance all night and dye your hair if you want. Share you thoughts and dreams with your mom and dad. Take all of life in. Move through the bad times and learn something from those experiences. Love and respect those around you. And above all, have fun.
Wednesday, March 30th, 2011
I was just watching Hoda and Kathie Lee and they were talking about some information that reveals that young couples WITHOUT CHILDREN are saying that they are not having enough sex. I have a feeling they aren’t telling each other. I know that a close and balanced relationship is not all about SEX, but it is an important part of it and there is so much to learn. The longer you wait to have an open and honest inventive sexual relationship, the longer it will take to really get to know your partner, intimately. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. The silence around your sexual desires and perhaps sexual dissatisfaction…… sexual inhibitions….. these confidences unsaid can separate you and the distance will grow.
It is hard in a young relationship to voice the intimate details of sex you desire… of acts that your partner is avoiding or inexperienced with. Again I have to say that these silences aren’t doing either of you any good. Respect each other and your inhibitions, we all have different comfort levels and sometimes you can actually be awakened to possibilities that you were surprising pleased with. Don’t go any where you don’t want to go, but have the conversations.
The conversation in the TV interview referred to the demands of work on the time in your life. Make time for a romantic moment before going to bed . Set you alarms to wake up earlier if you prefer the morning. It was suggested that the partner who does more of the home maintenance… cleaning, cooking , washing the dishes… can loose interest and loose the mood when they come home from work only to continue working. Help with these chores. Do them together… share the responsibilities.
So many of the younger generation are still playing video games. STOP IT! Put on some music, have a glass of wine, sip it slowly, and talk… Neck… Make out… There is so much to say about a really long great kiss with some good music in the background. Some day you may have kids and you will find it more difficult to have private moments together… You may fall out of love and then be without a partner for sex for a long long time. Enjoy it while you can.
Just a few days ago I wrote a blog about young people going to far with sex. 12 to 16 year olds playing with fire and getting burned with teen age pregnancy as a result. Now that you older youths are in a great place with a partner and a job, or in school studying to realize your passions in business or art or science and you are on a track in life to having it all don’t forget to enjoy all you have now. Take time out for a moment of pleasure and do it frequently. You will find that life is more full with a balance of work and relationship. And even though it feels like forever now, anything is possible to throw it off, so take care of it and each other.
With all the scary sh*t with the world… war, radiation, the economy… get your support from each other… Leave it behind for a second and take a moment to hang out on the couch and turn the channel from the news and put on Music instead and get together and love one another. Remember you can only have a conversation if both of you are talking. When you stop talking for a few days or a week then a month, it is difficult to re- focus on each other and get back in a pattern. So keep it going, don’t let go. If you are lucky enough to be in relationship enjoy it. It can grow and you will take it to many different levels only if you take the time….
Tuesday, March 29th, 2011
I am so in love with Glee. No surprise, I just finished blogging about Broadway musicals. I do want to post a response to Jo’s article about sex before you are ready and it occurred to me that a recent Glee episode dealt with the issue better than I ever could.
“When you’re intimate with someone in that way, you gotta know that you’re exposing yourself. You’re never gonna be more vulnerable, and that scares the hell out of a lot of guys…With two guys you’ve got two people who think that sex is just sex. It’s gonna be easier to come by and once you start, you aren’t gonna want to stop. You gotta know that it means something. It’s doing something to you, to your heart, to your self-esteem, even though it feels like you’re just having fun…When you’re ready, I want you to be able to do everything. But when you’re ready, I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter, because you matter.”
Yes, the father/son conversation dealt with gay sex, but the sentiment is the same no matter who you choose to be with, “because you matter”
Jo is sure that her friends will disagree with her point of view. In some ways, perhaps, in others, not so much. I believe that sex is something you must be ready for. If you are young and sexually active, I hope it’s for all the right reasons. You care for the person you’re with, they care for you, You’ve been friends forever. It feels right, Not because everyone else is doing it, or because you feel pressured.
Having a baby at 15 is too hard to imagine and not at all romantic. A baby is a lot of work, a huge responsibility. If you are sexually active make sure you are protected. See your doctor or visit Planned Parenthood.
Enjoy your sexuality, experiment a bit, But wait, wait until you are ready for sex. It really is a big step.