Unwanted pregnancy is a serious issue that effects all of us in some way.  It has got the country talking again as we listen to the presidential candidates state their views on this emotional subject.  The politics of it is what got Michele and I talking about it today.  Michele and I agree that we are supportive of all women whatever their choice might be….and there are only three…. become a parent, have an abortion, or give a baby up for adoption.

I think it should be noted that unwanted pregnancy and abortion is not a new thing.   Wikipedia states that  there is evidence of abortion as early as 1500bc.  It is a fact of life that women have dealt with throughout time. It doesn’t make things much easier though if it is you, or someone you care for is faced with this  unfortunate situation.  I say be grateful we live in a time and place where women have choices that are safe and there is much support for.  Planned Parenthood is probably your first choice in seeking an abortion or advice.  There is the morning after pill which should grab your attention if you think you may be pregnant, as it needs to be taken very early to be effective.  There is tons of information and opinions out there. Prochoice Action Network is very informative.

For those brave women who choose to give up a baby for adoption, you have much to think about.  There are places to start like the Adoption Network that might help.  Gather all the information you can to feel secure about this choice and get all the prenatal care available to you.

Choosing to become a parent at a time of unwanted pregnancy  is a decision that will change your life forever.  There are many women  who feel this is their only decision and are steadfast in their choice to persevere through the challenges and joys of being a mother.  There are many different circumstances for every individual making the choice to continue a pregnancy and having it work out to be the best choice for the mother and child.

If you or someone you know is facing this decision of what to do about an unwanted pregnancy, support them in helping them cope with whatever they decide to do.  It is important to listen to your candidates and vote for those you feel support your beliefs.

Here at whatwouldmomsay we welcome any questions or thoughts you might have on this emotional subject.  Feel free to ask a question or leave a comment.

QUESTION FROM MY FRIEND From the NETHERLANDS

“How you control your feelings about girls? Because I do not have a girl friend and you have your feelings? And do you think that  some day I will meet the girl of my dreams. It is difficult for me too make contact with people of my own age, because they have other interests and I don’t go out in the night.”

My friend from the Netherlands is a young man who has dreams and goals like everyone his age. He has some unique challenges and that sometimes makes it difficult for him to meet girls to date and gather a group of friends to hang out with.

His passion is for film and animation, specializing in that of the Walt Disney Company… Something that would be a wonderful subject to pursue in college and yet he knows more about this subject than most film students from his private purpose and drive to study  the history of animation and by learning from the writings and interviews of the animators themselves. This young man also speaks several languages. He taught himself English when he was growing up watching Disney videos.

My friend has  a form of autism and that challenges him in some situations in life. His interests in animated film are shared with many of his older friends  but he doesn’t often run into people his age who he can share this passion with. His knowledge in film abounds and his interest and his critiques are keen and intelligent.

I wonder if you could go to the university and “audit” a class in animation history. You may not be able to qualify for admission with your learning difficulties, but sharing your passion with others in  a discussion about the art of animation would be fulfilling. When I met my Netherlandic friend I was amazed at how much he knew of the artists and I felt he could teach a class on the subject. It would be a place where people would appreciate your strengths and considerable talent to discuss in the academic and the art world.

Also, Bram, if you love the art of animation, you may want to take an art history course… Auditing of course. I just saw the story of Van Gogh and learned that he was developmentally challenged. He may have suffered from siezures and that may have given him the fragmented vision that allowed him to see world in a unique way and so he applied the pigment  to his canvas with such a style as to allow us the viewers to see color and shape in a wonderful way with these chunks and strips of color and light. How special is that!!! He lived a challenged life and gave us the gift of his art and he never knew he would be seen as a genius and master when he was gone. He would be surprised by his importance in our world today.

When we are different we can feel separated and alone. The strength to follow are dreams and follow the passion is the road we are on. It may not mean that we are promised our dreams. The journey has value. We can not count on the reward. The passion gives purpose to our lives. That is the reward and the goal: To live our passion…

Now about the girls… I can’t get a date myself, so I can’t offer you any good advice.

Controlling feelings is difficult for the autistic isn’t it? You can not help but be honest. That is a gift also, as many of us are tired of playing games and dishonesty. When we are honest and lay our feelings out to someone we do not know how they will handle that. They may not have an easy time with the truth. You have to be willing to accept the disappointment… what is the saying:” nothing ventured nothing gained.” Easier said than done I think.

Be yourself and enjoy your dreams. Don’t let your disappointment stop your dreaming. Already many of your dreams have been answered and you are still young… Patience.

Sending love to my Dutch Friend…

Wow, the world has certainly changed over the past 30 plus years. When I was a teen (way more than 30 years ago), you used to get asked out on a date, decide whether you were boyfriend/girlfriend and break up all in person.  There was no call waiting, caller id, cell phones, personal computers, ichat, text  or facebook.  My father used to keep an egg timer next to the phone and we got 5 minutes per call.  If it was important, better get right to the point. Today we have all of the above and I was wondering if there was different etiquette to having a relationship in our digital world? The Moms really need your help on this one.  Some of us are dating again and this is a whole new territory so we have a few questions for you that I’ll post over the next few weeks. Let us know your comments at whatwouldmomsay.com

Is it ok to ask a person out on a date via text message or facebook?

One of the things we like best is answering your questions.  This one took some time and made us think about how we would react to our children in the same situation.

I’m 19 years old and became pregnant from my 21 year old boyfriend. Abortion is not an option for me, and I want to keep my baby. My boyfriend is always in and out of town, due to his line of work, which would leave me to take care of the baby mostly alone. We are talking about marriage, since we have been together for a year and some. My mother is not in the picture, and neither is his. To be honest, talking to you 4 mothers is the best I have and I really just need an honest opinion. How would you feel/react if your 21 year old son got his 19 year old girlfriend pregnant, and wanted to marry her?

So, What would Mom Say?

We would love to hear from you too!

I am so in love with Glee.  No surprise, I just finished blogging about Broadway musicals. I do want to post a response to Jo’s article about sex before you are ready and it occurred to me that a recent Glee episode dealt with the issue better than I ever could.

“When you’re intimate with someone in that way, you gotta know that you’re exposing yourself. You’re never gonna be more vulnerable, and that scares the hell out of a lot of guys…With two guys you’ve got two people who think that sex is just sex. It’s gonna be easier to come by and once you start, you aren’t gonna want to stop. You gotta know that it means something. It’s doing something to you, to your heart, to your self-esteem, even though it feels like you’re just having fun…When you’re ready, I want you to be able to do everything. But when you’re ready, I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter, because you matter.”

Yes, the father/son conversation dealt with gay sex, but the sentiment is the same no matter who you choose to be with, “because you matter”

Jo is sure that her friends will disagree with her point of view.  In some ways, perhaps, in others, not so much.  I believe that sex is something you must be ready for.  If  you are young and sexually active, I hope it’s for all the right reasons.  You care for the person you’re with, they care for you,   You’ve been friends forever.  It feels right,  Not because everyone else is doing it, or because you feel pressured.

Having a baby at 15 is too hard to imagine and not at all romantic. A baby is a lot of work, a huge responsibility.  If you are sexually active make sure you are protected.  See your doctor or visit Planned Parenthood.

Enjoy your sexuality, experiment a bit, But wait, wait until you are ready for sex.  It really is a big step.