Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

SEX ON THE FIRST DATE?

Sunday, July 29th, 2012

Sarah asks, Should I have sex with someone on the first date?

Cindy says: The first date is a funny thing because sometimes you may have a history together and sometimes at different times of life or in different connections you may be looking for different outcomes. Passion is hard to read.

Lean towards knowing it is right if you can.

Sally says:

No! You can wait until at least the second date. Gary says that if you have sex on the first date, the date might think you’re a slut.

Michele says:

It’s risky, my brother once commented that I married a one-night- stand.  True, I picked my husband up in a bar and have spent the rest of my life with him.  That having been said, I was lucky. There are some real crazies out there. “Looking for Mr. Goodbar” ring any bells? Probably not, before your time, but it isn’t pretty. Don’t have sex with someone you don’t know well, if you met in a bar or on-line, wait, spend some time together.  If, on the other hand, this is someone you have known for a while, an old friend, someone you go to school with, then maybe this first date is what you’ve both been waiting for, an affirmation that you feel the same way about each other.

Joanna says;

This is a tricky thing. Perhaps, if you know enough about the person and you already have a trust going on and knowledge of each other such as dating a friend or classmate or co-worker, some one you are already acquainted with, it can be a bit dicey when you do not have any previous knowledge. You might want to wait. People who you think are very nice can later show some craziness.

Visit our Advice section  or ask your own question.  We would love to hear from you.

Hey Mom… I’m getting another Tattoo

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

Well, you can get a tattoo whenever you want to when you are over 18. Do you have to ask your mom? No… Do you need to tell your mom? Well… YES! It may not be comfortable if you know that she would rather not see your whole body inked, but if you are showing it off on Facebook, then really send her the text or photo on your iPhone before you put it up. It isn’t the most comfortable phone call if you know she really isn’t going to shout for joy and be happy for you, so I really wouldn’t mind just the text or the photo, but do let me in on it before a friend tells me ” hey I saw your son’s new tattoos on Facebook”.

You may love it but she doesn’t have to. She may mourn that she will never see her son’s body as the physique of her memory ever again. I was just flipping channels on TV last night and there were these young men in a pool on the Batchelorette. They all were clean chested, no tatoos, maybe arms but I didn’t see any. I thought for a moment of the human body and how elegant it is and realized I was not going to see my son’s sleek muscles unadorned with ink ever again.

The cap sleeve and then the full sleeve… He couldn’t hide it from the critical eye of his grandparents anymore. Wearing long sleeved shirts in the summer for family gatherings finally got old and he came out. They still don’t like to see it. I got used to it.

The art of Tatoo is really interesting. What people choose to adorn their body for life is a strong decision and I know they don’t take it lightly. I have admired the art. Mostly the floral art.  Lotus’ are a subject from ancient asian art and the meaning in history and is of awakening and rising from the muddle, and mud from the depths  of the pond, a metaphor for the muck and mire of the mind, of the earthly life,  into glorious beauty and power. Yes I would get a lotus.  There are so many choices and an artist will design her own and take it to the tattoo artist and collaborate. Where to place it: lower back and feet are the first places for women, but the sleeve is very good for a larger tattoo and one that can morph and develop as you come up with further designs. Tattoos then be elaborated on. Staring with a design… Does one plan to add to it later? Some such as the florals can always be organically tied into more vining twining flowers.

I really do see the beauty in the art, even the rough viseral grisly ones my son has with the skin tearing open to the muscle and bones structure below. The art is incredible and creative. My favorite that he has is the Scorpion on his back. It has mechanical joints as though it were robotic, and the fact that he was a fan of Transformers as a boy and the scary Alien movies and loved that art comes through on his body art.Human muscle transformed to machine. It is strong good art… but couldn’t you just hang the poster?

I can admire the art and placement on other people. I feel that with all the friends and strangers I see with ink that I don’t judge them, yet I know that it does happen. The critic in others, the judgement, the rudeness, the condescension that some treat those different to us. IT is hard not to look at someones tattoos piercings when in conversation. Just what is that in their ear, you want to see but try not to stare. What stone is in her nose ring? On his eyebrow, on their tongues?

But back to INK.

Somehow I don’t wish for his beautiful skin to be covered, totally covered in ink. It is his to do with what he wants. My gift to him. It is not mine to be in charge of. It is not for me to boss him and make him feel shame or regret, yet I wish some where in there was a little bit of” I won’t get my whole body tattooed because it might make others uncomfortable around me , it might bring the wrong attention to me and cause conflicts that wouldn’t otherwise have to happen. I don’t want him scrutinized for his body art. I am sure his grandfather, my dad, will be giving the young men he sees all tattooed up dirty looks. Unless it is their favorite waiter at their favorite restaurant… Then he will make some wise crack about when was he a sailor and in what port did he get his tattoos, was he drunk when he got it… That was the past story, Sailors, in port in foreign lands would go out on a drunk and wake up tattoed… And even, sometimes married. There was the girlfriend, the boat, the anchor and your mother were the tattoos.

The temporary tattoo could be fun for the summer at the beach… the lovely henna browns and reds.

Tattoos are to be treated with caution and I know that he uses his topical antiseptic to prevent infection. The skin ointments that promote healing. He left a tube in my car and I am sure that is because he had a carry on bag and it was too large to walk through the security with and he didn’t want to chance it and I know he has some to use when he gets home.

So I love you. I may not love your choice for to wear body art but I guess I am glad that you feel comfortable with yourself to express yourself.

We are all unique.

Love is unconditional.

love you

Wedding do’s and don’t’s, What Would Mom Say?

Saturday, June 2nd, 2012

There are none.  Well, maybe one don’t: don’t say someone else’s name while taking your vows.  In all honesty, I can’t think of too many more.

My nephew Robbie and his beautiful bride Ali  got married this weekend at one of the best and happiest receptions ever.  They did it all backwards. Not literally (that could be a don’t) but figuratively speaking.

Robbie moved to South Carolina, bought a house and settled in with two dogs–a confirmed bachelor.  A few years later he came to visit with a few surprises. The first was Ali–pretty, fresh, young– and the second surprise, she was pregnant. They got engaged, moved in together and then we had Jackson, the best surprise ever.

More than a year later Robbie and Ali got married in their living room in South Carolina. They wore T-shirts. Rob was barefoot and afterward we watched Blue’s Clues.  It was lovely and special.

This past weekend our families gathered together. For many of us, it was the first time meeting, and we celebrated.  We celebrated life and love and family and commitment.  Now we are one family, brought together by two people who did things their own way.

Wedding do:  Do what’s right for you.

Learn a language and get out of your comfort zone

Saturday, May 19th, 2012

I love to talk! Yes, I know that’s a shocking admission. Nothing shuts me up faster then not knowing the language of the places I travel. You know, the deer in the headlight expression you get when someone speaks quickly in their native dialect. Our world is getting smaller everyday.

courtesy of cvageography.blogspot

We’re talking to internet specialists in India and ordering items from fair trade companies in South America. So I guess if I could give you all any advise, I’d say learn another language.  This past spring I took a four week intensive Spanish class.

It was only 2 hours a day but my head would be spinning by the end.  And once I got out of my comfort zone of being embarrassed by my pronunciation and started speaking in my slow “Tonto” voice, the small world of Sayulita, Mexico opened up.  Usually they would smile and correct me but I found the more I spoke, the more confident I got and the more conversations I was able to have. Beside being able to read road signs, I could read the menu and order.

courtesy of advancedgraphicengraving.com

Everyone learns differently. For me, I need a classroom situation that enables me to ask questions. You might want to check the local high school, community college or adult learning center to see about available courses in your neighborhood.  There are plenty of free (or inexpensive) programs for download or more structured computer classes like the Rosetta Stone. I found these programs very valuable when going over pronunciation and phrases. So if you’re a little intimidated (which I really understand) start with a simple, hello! A nice greeting with, “I’m sorry, I don’t speak your language” in their dialect will help you more than you know.  And the world will get a little smaller.

whatwouldPaulinaluasay? Moms talking to young professionals en Mexico

Thursday, May 3rd, 2012

Paulina at Entre Amigo Community Center

I recently caught up with mi maestra extraordinaria, Paulina Lua at her boyfriend’s restaurant, Atico in Sayulita, Mexico. Paulina is a psychology graduate of University of Guadalajara living and working in the San Pacho/Sayulita Mexico area. She has traveled extensively throughout South America and has visited Europe and the United States

Paulina, tell us a little about your jobs. I am the director of scholarship at the Entre Amigos, a cultural community center in San Pancho which provides financial and educational support for youths ages 7-19.  The financial support helps keeps youths in high school as well as providing assistance to their first ever college age female. I’m also a  Spanish emersion teacher at Costa Verde International School in Sayulita. Costa Verde is a small private primary school in town that gives the students a bilingual environmental conscious education.

What are the best and worst things about your jobs? Teaching Spanish enables me to meet internationals and learn about their culture. In exchange, I’m able to educate them on the Mexican way of life.  I find that people visiting Sayulita are looking for a relaxed outdoor way of life and once they become part of the community, learning Spanish helps them volunteer in local projects.  Costa Verde also provides classes to Mexican families wanting to learn English. I’m very proud of the work done at the community center and helping students get through school. It’s good to see that its working.  I guess the worst thing about my job, is the lack of funding for the kids. The other challenge is getting the parents to see that change is good.  For example, our female student going to college, applied without her parents permission.  They eventually saw the benefits to college and are very supportive now.

Stain glass made from recycled bottles

What are your passions? My job is my passion.  When I was working in Guadalajara, I felt I wasn’t making an impact.  Coming to Sayulita and living a simpler life has made my work more gratifying. The children here don’t have a lot of material things so they are very appreciate of the support.  It’s a small community, so we can change things a little at a time. Do what you love and the money will come later.

Who was the biggest influence on your life? My Dad, he always made me try something before I said no.  So I found that I liked more things than I thought I would.  Also, my college professor, who taught the importance of having a social conscience.

Where do you see yourself in the future? In the jungle, in small communities where there is work to be done.  I love nature and would like to travel some more.  You have quite of few National Parks in the US!

What advise to you have for young people looking for their first job? Don’t do anything unless its fun and if you have to do something, make it fun!

Paulina and Jacob at Atico, a delicious organic breakfast stop in Sayulita, MX

Please visit the entreamigos website to see a community project that is working! It’s teaching the kids art, language and the importance of recycling.  How lucky this community is to have such a fun and dedicated woman as Paulina!

12 Tips For The Perfect Burger

Monday, April 16th, 2012

Grilling the Perfect Burger is somewhat of an art form.  Done right and you’ve got a juicy mouth watering satisfying meal.  Here are some tips to keep in mind.

1.  Start with a chopped meat at least 18% fat.  Chuck will make a juicy burger.

2.  Figure 1/3 lb to 1/2 a lb per burger.  Make into a shape to fit the bun.  Do not pack meat.

3.  Generously season both sides with salt and pepper.

4.  Depress your thumb in the middle to help with even cooking

5.  Put on a pre heated medium to high temp grill.  If using a pan on the stove preferably cast iron.  Preheat the pan.

6.  Resist flipping the burger.  You only flip once!

7.  Never pat the burger witha spatula.  The point is to retain the juices.

8.  If you like your burger more well done them move to a lower heat and cook slowly.

9.  A meat thermometer is a handy tool to insure perfect doneness.

10.  Add cheese last minute.  Remove before totally melted.

11.  Remove to plate and cover loosely with aluminum foil to let meat rest and finish melting cheese, for about 5-10 minutes.

12.   Have favorite condiments ready with a toasted bun.  Enjoy!!

Happy Easter Family Reunion

Saturday, April 7th, 2012

Yes, I’m back in NY, this time for an impromptu family reunion. There wasn’t enough time to gather all the troops, but my youngest brother, Pat, and his family decided to use their Easter break to travel north and visit family. They live in Ohio, and with the rest of us living busy lives in the Northeast, we really don’t get together as often as we should.

Pat’s kids are young enough to be my grandkids, they haven’t really had a chance to get to know their much older cousins. Since our final destination was NYC, Brian was able to join us for dinner at Benihana’s, which, by the way, is great for a large family gathering involving children.

This was a wonderful couple of days, spending time with my brothers and sisters, Katy and Jake, our youngest, were so happy being with family they rarely see. I realized how much I missed all of them, and we had fun!  Take time to see your family, and have some fun with them.

Control Facebook-Don’t let it control you!

Thursday, April 5th, 2012

A friend of mine from Canada was applying for a teaching job in her home town. When the administration decided to look at her facebook page, they saw a picture that someone tagged of her drinking a beer at a party while she was dancing.  Believe it or not, they thought this was an inappropriate picture for a soon to be high school teacher. Hence, they didn’t hire her!

It’s really hard to believe that age appropriate act could cost her a job. This happens everyday with companies searching potential employees.  Is it right? No, but it happens.  We suggest taking a few moments to go over your privacy settings and tagged photos on your facebook. Simply click on the far right down arrow next to “home” and click on privacy settings.  Choose custom settings that allow you to choose who can search you, who can tag you in photos and block unwanted “friends”.  A few minutes can protect your character!

College Rejections

Saturday, March 24th, 2012

It’s that time of year when HS seniors across the country are checking their mail boxes, hoping for the big envelope.  Most colleges notify you mid-march to mid-april, and anxiety levels reach an all time high.  To all of you who have been accepted at the college of your choice, Congratulations!  To those of you still waiting, hang in there.

What if you’ve been rejected by all your choices?  This can be really hard to cope with, but don’t despair, it could be a blessing in disguise.  You may have gotten bad advice as to where to apply, there are so many schools out there, and one is right for you.  Talk personally to the admissions counselors at the schools that rejected you, find out what it would take to be accepted by their institution.

See your guidance counselor again, but also look into a private counseling firm if you can afford it and if college is really the direction you want to take right now.  If you applied simply because it was expected of you or because you didn’t know what else to do, this is your opportunity to think about the direction you want your life to take.

Finding the right school  takes a lot of thought and research.  This is your chance to regroup, establish reasonable goals and focus on obtaining them.  Maybe a year off in the work force or traveling  will help you to focus and to find what’s right for you.  Take some courses at a local community college, or enroll in a two-year program that will enable you to transfer your credits to a four year college.

Really, this is just a temporary set-back,  look at it as an opportunity. It’s not the end of your educational career, your hopes or your dreams, just a bump in the road. Check out some other people who got rejection letters. And…

Today’s Question; Are there options for education other than college?

Click here if you have a question for the moms.

16 Spring Cleaning Tips

Monday, March 19th, 2012

That’s right it’s spring cleaning time!  While the thought of an organized clean house appeals to me, I admit it doesn’t come natural to me.  In other words I hate housecleaning!  So, I have compiled a list of tips to help myself get started.

1.   Make a plan.  Schedule time you can devote to just cleaning.  Room by room is a good strategy.              Sticking to specific tasks is another…. like scrubbing, vacuuming, closets, rug cleaning, etc.

2.   Delegate.  Often overlooked and the best tip of them all.  If you have room mates, or family                      members try making a list and having them choose the chores they want to do.  Can pick from a            that.  Most will do a better job if they  feel like they are not being bossed around.  Give a                            deadline and a simple reward like a favorite dinner for the household when the chores are done.

3.   Gather or buy new cleaning solutions you will need.  Think aroma therapy. The stores are full of          delightful smelling products and many of them are not harmful to the environment.

4.   Get yourself a pair of fun rubber clothes, and  don some comfy sweats,  to put you in the mood.  If          you are male, stick with yellow gloves.

5.    Set it to music.  Set up Pandora to dance music or play your favorite playlist on your ipod.  Play it           loud.  Listen on some Frends headphones.

6.    Turn off  your phone.  The ultimate sabotager when you need to get something done.

7.   Groom your dog first.  No fun vacuuming and cleaning for a shedding stinky dog!

8.    Open the windows.  Air out the house.  It’s spring!

9.   Put winter clothes away.  Have a bag to donate to the  thrift shop. If you have some items you can          sell to a consignment shop set them aside.  Remember consignment shops need seasonal items            so you may need to store these items to submit in the fall.

10.  Don’t forget the outside.  Wait for a warm day and hose down or power wash the deck or patio.

11.  Plan on editing or rotating chatckas.  It will revitalize the room.

12.  This is a great time for a new duvet, or pillow for the couch, a new set of drinking glasses that               actually match, etc.  Simple things like this are good for inspiration.

13.  This is the time to rearrange furniture since you will be cleaning under things.

14.  Re read Michele’s blogs on Feng Shui and Spring Cleaning-modified Feng Shui-unclutter that               closet!

15.  Check out our household tips on whatwouldmomsay or ask the moms a question about specific             tasks in the search box on the top of this page.

16.  When you are reasonably done reward yourself.  A mani pedi is the obvious choice.  Do not                     choose this if you are male.  Most important get outside and enjoy the spring.